Right things seem a little tough in El Salvador. My kids seem to be struggling, we all seem stretched a little thin. I think it’s a just a season we’re in, but I’m feeling the tension. Recently, a great group of women from our home church of Discovery Christian Church, were in El Salvador serving. They were awesome. They were so awesome that I wanted them to pack me up and take me back to the U.S. with them. There’s a part of me that is missing my old life in the suburbs, missing my freedom to walk down the streets, and missing dentist appointments in English. Sometimes I want to go back to suburban America, crawl into an insulated bubble and pretend that I don’t know what’s happening in San Salvador.
Pretend that teenagers aren’t dying every day…that children aren’t abandoned with nothing and no one to call their own…pretend that yesterday one of our alcoholic street friends didn’t fall to the ground in front of the base shaking with blood running out of his mouth. He’s okay, but we’re not sure what is wrong with him.
But I can’t pretend those things aren’t true…aren’t reality…aren’t happening. And everyday in urban centers across the world shots are ringing out and another life falls dead to the ground. My reality is that God has called our family to the front lines of this urban world called San Salvador.
I feel clueless and I fill ill-equipped for the task. I feel discouraged and I feel like I don’t know how I fit into the puzzle. I’ve been feeling this lately…this sense of being overwhelmed, it’s tearing me up a little bit. I feel in so far over my head…the problems are complex, the solutions are scarce, and the fear is real. God, what are you doing in El Salvador? This is my prayer a lot lately.
But God is so good to me, and sometimes He speaks directly, audibly through someone else.
On the last night that the team was here, the women were sharing their thoughts on coming to El Salvador. One of the girls opened up and shared that the impression she had after the week was that God is in El Salvador. He is here…He is meeting needs. The women shared that when they see the homeless fed, when they see children hugged and loved and reached out to they know that God is in El Salvador.
I didn’t bring Him here…He brought me here. Because maybe, just maybe, He wants to show me what He’s up to in this country and in this city. Maybe He loves me enough to give me a front row seat to see how He triumphs in darkness and pain and how, in the end, He wins it all. It’s true, I know it’s true.
I know I’m rambling a bit, and maybe I sound a little down. Right now I am struggling, but I’m far from defeated, because I have hope. And I can share that hope with others as I work alongside God Himself. I can hear the praises…not just the gunshots…and see the joy and transformation through the brokeness. I get to see it all…I get to be part of these life-giving moments.
Because God has called me here, with Him, in El Salvador.
It’s nice that even in the darkest of situations we have hope! Often times God walks us through the valley of death but we don’t have to fear because He is with us. Such a great promise. Praying for you and your family Danielle!!
Danielle, I admire your courage to share the truth of how you are feeling! Does it help you to know how very normal you are? Every mother of young children has times of difficulty & exhaustion, times of longing for a change in her situation. We need companionship with other women to help us through tough times. Your normal daily stresses are magnified greatly by living in another culture. Surrounded by people speaking a different language that you are just learning to understand, you naturally experience inner feelings of isolation. Your mission work is demanding and never ending, for the needs are so great. You & Jon rarely get time together, and probably never without the children. It is no wonder you would want to pack up & go home with the American women! You are doing a wonderful work for the Kingdom there in El Salvador. God has called you for a season–it may be short or long–and God has equipped you for the plans He has for you. You can’t do it all, and He doesn’t expect you to. Just like the loaves & fishes, God will take what you offer to Him and multiply it greatly! You are one piece of the puzzle, and God is the one who knows what the whole picture looks like. It takes tremendous strength and faith to do what you & Jon are doing. God is there with you working, even when it is hard to see Him. “The things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” Jn 16:33
Thanks for the words of encouragment!
I love you Danielle! Hang in there girl! I pray that today you may feel the comfort and support of so many of us here in the U.S. who are rallying around you spiritually.
Danielle, Your strength and courage is more inspiring than you can imagine. You have challenged me to leave my bubble and I am forever grateful. Please know that I’m rooting you on and praying that He lifts you up during this difficult time. Hugs to you!