Right things seem a little tough in El Salvador. My kids seem to be struggling, we all seem stretched a little thin. I think it’s a just a season we’re in, but I’m feeling the tension. Recently, a great group of women from our home church of Discovery Christian Church, were in El Salvador serving. They were awesome. They were so awesome that I wanted them to pack me up and take me back to the U.S. with them. There’s a part of me that is missing my old life in the suburbs, missing my freedom to walk down the streets, and missing dentist appointments in English. Sometimes I want to go back to suburban America, crawl into an insulated bubble and pretend that I don’t know what’s happening in San Salvador.
Pretend that teenagers aren’t dying every day…that children aren’t abandoned with nothing and no one to call their own…pretend that yesterday one of our alcoholic street friends didn’t fall to the ground in front of the base shaking with blood running out of his mouth. He’s okay, but we’re not sure what is wrong with him.
But I can’t pretend those things aren’t true…aren’t reality…aren’t happening. And everyday in urban centers across the world shots are ringing out and another life falls dead to the ground. My reality is that God has called our family to the front lines of this urban world called San Salvador.
I feel clueless and I fill ill-equipped for the task. I feel discouraged and I feel like I don’t know how I fit into the puzzle. I’ve been feeling this lately…this sense of being overwhelmed, it’s tearing me up a little bit. I feel in so far over my head…the problems are complex, the solutions are scarce, and the fear is real. God, what are you doing in El Salvador? This is my prayer a lot lately.
But God is so good to me, and sometimes He speaks directly, audibly through someone else.
On the last night that the team was here, the women were sharing their thoughts on coming to El Salvador. One of the girls opened up and shared that the impression she had after the week was that God is in El Salvador. He is here…He is meeting needs. The women shared that when they see the homeless fed, when they see children hugged and loved and reached out to they know that God is in El Salvador.
I didn’t bring Him here…He brought me here. Because maybe, just maybe, He wants to show me what He’s up to in this country and in this city. Maybe He loves me enough to give me a front row seat to see how He triumphs in darkness and pain and how, in the end, He wins it all. It’s true, I know it’s true.
I know I’m rambling a bit, and maybe I sound a little down. Right now I am struggling, but I’m far from defeated, because I have hope. And I can share that hope with others as I work alongside God Himself. I can hear the praises…not just the gunshots…and see the joy and transformation through the brokeness. I get to see it all…I get to be part of these life-giving moments.
Because God has called me here, with Him, in El Salvador.